Somatic Healing After Divorce: Why the Body Keeps the Score Long After Papers Are Signed

I remember thinking that once I had the divorce papers signed, the pain would finally start to fade. I hated that I was wrong about that. The marriage was over, the betrayal was behind me, and now I should have been able to move forward. Or so I thought. Did you think that too?

The truth is, your body doesn’t follow the court’s timeline. Healing does not end when the divorce decree is finalized. In many ways, that is when your body finally feels safe enough to begin releasing what has been stored all along.

It took time for me to hold my boundaries and create enough space for my nervous system to feel safer. Bessel van der Kolk was right when he said, the body keeps the score. A life-saving divorce is trauma, and the body holds that trauma.

The body keeps the score after divorce

Trauma does not live only in your mind. It lives in your body. For women who have experienced betrayal, abuse, or coercive control, the nervous system has been stuck in survival mode for years. Tight muscles, shallow breathing, and constant hypervigilance were not random. They were survival strategies.

When betrayal is part of your story, the brain continues to search for answers. It is very good at trying to get them—replaying events, questioning your memory, and looping through “what ifs.” While this is your brain’s attempt to protect you, it can actually keep you stuck in the story of what happened instead of allowing your body to release it.

Even when the relationship ends, the body keeps the score. This is why you might still wake up with anxiety, feel tension in your chest, or find yourself startled by small triggers. Your body is remembering, even if your mind says you should be “over it” by now.

Why safety matters for somatic healing

Your nervous system cannot fully heal until it senses safety. While you are still in the relationship, or even during the exhausting months of separation and legal battles, your body is focused on protection. It holds on to shock and keeps you braced for impact.

This bracing for impact can continue to show up long after the actual threat is gone. You may find yourself jumping at sudden noises, tensing when an email from your ex appears, or holding your breath without realizing it. It might look like chronic muscle tightness, insomnia, digestive struggles, or the inability to fully relax—even though the divorce is final. These are not random symptoms. They are signs that your nervous system has not yet registered safety.

Only once physical and emotional safety are restored does the body begin to allow deeper healing. That is why many women are surprised when new waves of grief, anger, or physical symptoms emerge after the divorce. It can feel like a setback, but it is not regression. It is your body finally saying, “Now I can let this out.” This is the beginning of true somatic healing after divorce—the moment your body trusts it is safe enough to release what it has been holding all along.

Somatic healing after divorce is essential

Cognitive therapies and mindset work are helpful, but they only reach part of the story. To heal fully after betrayal and divorce, the body must be included. This is where somatic healing practices make all the difference.

Brainspotting helps access and release trauma that has been buried beneath conscious awareness. It allows the body to process what it could not at the time of betrayal.

The Alexander Technique, as I have studied and certified through Martin Warner’s work, this modality supports the release of shock residue that lives in posture, breath, and muscular holding patterns. It gently teaches the nervous system how to come back into balance and rest.

Reiki and energy work create space for the body to soften and reset at a deep energetic level, often bringing a sense of calm and peace where there was tension.

These practices work because they meet trauma where it lives—in the body.

Healing continues beyond the courtroom

So, like me, if you expected divorce to bring immediate relief and instead find yourself still anxious, triggered, or physically tense, nothing is wrong with you. Your body is simply on its own timeline. The real trauma recovery begins when safety is present and the nervous system no longer has to fight to survive.

Somatic healing after divorce gives you the opportunity to finally release what has been held for too long. It is not just about surviving the end of a marriage. It is about reclaiming your body, your voice, your wholeness, and your life.

Because healing is not just in your head. Healing lives in your body. And your body deserves that chance to finally let go.

Divorce is not the end of your story—it is the doorway to reclaiming your agency. If you are ready to step into being the chooser in your own life and move from survival to wholeness, I would love to walk with you. Schedule your consultation and let’s talk about what this next chapter can look like for you.

XO,

Amie Woolsey

Certified Brainspotting Practitioner,

CPC, PCC, APSATS-CPC