Navigating the Holidays After Betrayal or Trauma
"Letting go of certain holiday rituals doesn’t mean forgetting the good memories—they’ll always be a part of your story. It simply means creating space for something new."
As December unfolds with its twinkling lights and festive cheer, it can feel like the world expects joy to come easily this time of year. But for those of you who are navigating betrayal, divorce, or profound change, the holidays can bring a sharp reminder of what’s been lost. Traditions that once brought comfort may now feel painful, and the idea of celebrating might feel more like a burden than a blessing. I get it.
This month, I want to explore how we can honor the past, let go of what no longer serves us, and begin to shape new traditions that reflect the life we’re building. Much like George Bailey in my all time favorite movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, we are often forced to reimagine what joy and meaning look like in the wake of change—and in doing so, we may find something even more beautiful.
Honoring Traditions That Still Matter
Some traditions may still hold deep meaning, even as your life changes. If there are elements of past holidays that bring you comfort—an ornament, a recipe, or a family movie night—allow yourself to keep them. These can serve as anchors, reminding you that while everything feels different, not all is lost.
Ask yourself the following self reflecting questions:
What traditions bring me genuine joy?
Which ones feel painful or forced?
How can I adapt old traditions to better fit my new reality?
For example, if decorating the tree was something you loved, but doing it alone feels too heavy, invite a friend or loved one to join you. If holiday dinners bring up difficult memories, consider hosting a smaller, simpler gathering or volunteering at a community event.
Building New Traditions That Reflect Who You Are Now
Creating new traditions is an act of empowerment. It’s a way of saying, “I am still here, and I can create meaning and joy on my terms.” Here are some ideas to inspire you:
A Gratitude Ornament: Each year, write one thing you’re grateful for on a piece of paper and place it in a special ornament. Over time, it becomes a tangible reminder of your resilience.
Solo Adventures: Take a day to treat yourself. Whether it’s a quiet hike, a trip to see holiday lights, or simply curling up with a favorite book, prioritize your own joy.
Host a Friends’ Holiday Night: Gather friends who feel like family and create new traditions together. This could be a game night, cookie decorating, or exchanging meaningful (not expensive) gifts.
Acts of Kindness: Channel the spirit of George Bailey and his unshakable kindness by giving back. Volunteer, donate, or simply find ways to make someone’s day brighter. Often, giving to others can help fill the empty spaces within us.
Navigating the Painful Moments
It’s okay if the holidays still feel hard, even with new traditions in place. Healing isn’t linear, and certain moments—like seeing families together or hearing a particular song—might trigger unexpected sadness. When those moments come, remind yourself that it’s okay to feel both joy and sorrow.
Here are a few strategies for managing triggers:
Plan Ahead: If certain events or gatherings feel overwhelming, give yourself permission to say no or leave early.
Set Boundaries: Be clear with others (and yourself) about what you need this season.
Practice Mindfulness: When emotions arise, take a deep breath and ground yourself in the present moment.
A Wonderful Life, Reimagined
Like George Bailey, you are in the process of rediscovering your own “wonderful life.” It may look different than what you once imagined, but it’s still yours to shape, to fill with meaning, and to celebrate in your own way.
This December, allow yourself to embrace the bittersweet. Honor what was, release what no longer fits, and step into a season where you are the author of your story. In doing so, you may just find new joy, deeper connections, and traditions that feel authentically yours.
Wishing you peace, strength, and the quiet wonder of the season,
XO
Amie
